a one-minute-stand-in-the-daylight…………..

love at first sight

A rainy day in Chelsea……
Lord, how could I be so desperate for normalcy that I would allow a stranger to fuck me and then wait for me to leave!!?

In my London (nursing school) days, I connected with a good looking male whilst I was enjoying Kings Road.  Although come to think of it, perhaps enjoying is not the appropriate term, if I let happen what did.  The details are fuzzy, but I caught his eye and he mine and I must have limped (yuch) with him to his residence in the Chelsea area, where I don’t believe garments were removed and the old in and out took place, and as nothing seemed to click immediately after, I left!

How I wish that at least the desperate animalistic desire had overtaken me. like one sees in movies.  Sadly it did not… I was all a-fire to fuck, but no I just wanted to make sure that he did not come across my hated leg………………and I was as self-consious as all hell.  Oh how the self-loathing kicks in………..slut, whore, idiot!!! stupid…..

I suppose the only bright spot that came out of this debacle was that I transcribed this experience somewhat poetically and indifferently in a letter to R with the hope that her husband would see it………….  Sorry r, you were, are, a really decent lady and I hope that my shallow, selfish desires did not come across too harshly and hurt you !

I recall there was a reply from dear R to the effect that Ty was upset to think of me throwing myself around………….  all the time back then I really only wanted Ty, but come to think of it, I would not have known what to do with him if I had ever really gotten him………….

1.4.06 12:50

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